For all You do... This Blog's for You.

So much has (and hasn't) happened in the last few weeks that getting to, and writing this blog entry, has been two separate challenges altogether.

Firstly, lots has happened.

Second, lots of stuff hasn't happened.

It's been a combination of these two things that has led to me being A) too busy to write something for you, and B) too melodramatic to feel the urge to use my spare time to write something for you. Thus, having finally shed some of the afforementioned "shit" I've had to do, and a good chunk of the melodrama that has invaded my life, I am once again apt to do something in this sphere (aka "something for you").

We'll start from the beginning.

Girlfriend has since purchased a ticket and taken a flight to the past tense. Yes, that's right. Finito. It's over, Rock; and yes, even something to drink can't bring it back. It was a combination of poor time management skills and, simply, poor timing altogether. We each took separate paths, amicably, and there are no hard feelings whatsoever. So, there's that.

Next, I recently found myself faced with the largest existential gap thusfar in my life. Plainly stated, last weekend Molly, our family dog, had to be put down after 15 short years of unrestrained, effortless love. Needless to say, this wasn't anyone's idea of a "good" way to spend May 2-4 weekend; though we used the remaining "holiday" time to support each other as a family in the best way that we could conceive: take out food, and a couple movies.

Without Molly around, however, things feel hollow. The house doesn't truly have a heart anymore, and being "home alone" has never really felt like it does now. That said, there's truly nothing that can erase the years passed, nor anything that will replace her memories for any of us. We loved her, I think, like noone else I know loves their pet. We loved her like an equal, a human being, and if one thing always held this family together it was her unconditional care and servitude.

Third, and with a good sized lump now formed in my throat (maybe I should have saved "heartfelt" for the end), the stuff that hasn't happened: that is, anything with regard to my summer filming plans.

With every new development comes further unsurety of the process. I need a place for auditions. I've found one. I'm ready to book it.

I haven't.

This is where you, as if interested, ask me why.

The answer? I am afraid.

Quite honestly, I am fearful that no matter what advertising I come up with between now and holding audtions, I will be sitting in that facility on the day of, alone and waiting for someone, anyone to show up. I think fear is a natural part of the process - integral to it's design; however that makes nothing easier. So, this is my vow: by Wednesday, May 31st, and God-fearing, I will have booked a day (before the end of June) to hold my auditions. Once this date is booked I will, no doubt, scramble to advertise this fact around town and, with any luck, hope for the best.

I have a feeling, however, that my luck, as has recently expired, will do well to show up. Thus I shall rely instead on something more concrete (ed. note: not "fate"). That said, all I can do at this point is remain optimistic that things will come together, and do what I can to make them.

This is the bottom, and I occupy it for the time being. I suppose it's all up from here, assuming it is incapable of giving out to some unprecedented new bottom, in which case you'll suffer through another meaningful, painfully unimaginative blog entry.

If nothing else it brings explanation to why I do what I do. Real life is just too boring and uninspired to hang around with it for too long. I have a feeling, though, that creative expression is the quickest path to truth.

This one's for you, piggy.