Intermezzo: Audition Wrap-up

So, it's over with. Auditions came, went, and are now proceeding into the distance.

Wave to them; wave to the auditions.

So June 28th was the day, and I packed all my shit [ed. note: which was actually only my laptop, MiniDV camcorder, and a pad of paper avec stylo] and headed out to Innerkip in search of the building at where I'd booked my auditioning space.

Did you catch that? I said "search." There is a good reason for this: I had never been there. I had never seen a picture or even had a description of the building - in fact, I turned down all pre-audition offers for familiarizing myself with the place. Why? Who knows.

Heading into Innerkip, which is only populated by a couple thousand people and their dogs (all of whom play baseball), I was certain that in no foreseeable circumstance would it take me more than a couple of minutes to find where I needed to be; that and I was armed with the sheer determination to stop and ask someone should I not find the "Innerkip Community Centre" in said "couple of minutes."

A Couple of Minutes passed, so I stopped at the single convenience store on the single main road of this small burg. An Actress Friend of mine was tailing me so that she could help out for a few hours if I needed her, so she stopped as well. There were a few kids out front with ice cream cones. I approached the bumpkins with squirrel-like caution.

ME: Excuse me, country bumpkin, can you tell me where your Community Centre is?
BUMPKIN #1: *loud hiss*
ME: (turning to BUMPKIN #2) Excuse me, country bumpkin, can you tell me where your Community Centre is?
BUMPKIN #2: Sure. Back down this here road. It's the red one beside that new church thar.
ME: Thanks. (flicks a nickel to them)
BUMPKIN #2: No problem. (he pauses) *loud hiss*

Going back down the road I'd came, Actress Friend in tow, I stopped at the red building beside the new church, and though the sign out front read "Masonic Lodge" was not yet worried because I was forty-five minutes early and sure that a town this size might double-up community activities in the few public buildings they've got. Forty minutes pass
and my cell phone rings; I answer. It's my cameraman, John, who is also meeting me at the Community Centre to help conduct and also tape the auditions for later review.

ME: Hey, John, I know I'm late, I think I'm at the wrong place.
JOHN: Yeah, I'm at the Community Centre and I'm not seeing you.
ACTRESS FRIEND (O.S.): This sign says "Masonic Lodge!"
ME: (to John) What's the building look like?
JOHN: It's grey with a blue roof and doors.
ME: (looking around I spot it and John across the triangular section of field between the road the Masonic lodge is on, and the diagonal road the Community Centre is on) Shit. I can see you.
JOHN: What? (looking around) Oh, shit, there you are.
ME: Yeah, I'm retarded. Be there in 2.
ACTRESS FRIEND (O.S.): This sign says "Masonic Lodge!"

So, from there, Actress Friend and I proceeded over to the Community Centre [ed. note: also past a big sign that we'd passed out our way into town that read "INNERKIP COMMUNITY CENTRE <--"), met with John, and set up shop for the auditions. Then we waited.

Going into the day I'd said that I wanted ten people to show up. Ten. It was reasonable, and though I secretly harboured the hope that twenty would be the low number, I was certain we would have a chance with ten.

The day can be summed up in hour-long chunks numbered 1 through 5.


Hour 1: Two (2) kids - brought by friends. Their kids. With chicken pox.

Hour 2: Zero (0) kids. The janitor walked by.

Hour 3: Seven (7) kids. Kids that had mostly been referred to me by the goodwill of my Mother.

Hour 4: Eight (8) kids. Again, mostly kids that had been referred to me by my Mother or friends.

Hour 5: One (1) kid. It was now pouring rain outside. Like Noah pouring.


All in all, and if you can do your math, I had a turnout of Eighteen kids, broken down as follows: five girls, two sets of twin boys, and nine non-twin boys. The fact that I need one girl and five boys, including one set of twin boys, is a happy turn of events given the turnout (though I'm sure you can imagine the mass of shit that I had accumulated in my pants when, after the first two and a half hours, only one boy had shown his prepubescent face).

Either way, things worked out despite the fact that it took me an hour and a half, later that evening, to wash my underpants of all that shit.

The next few weeks will be filled with calling people back, letting them know, to their delight, that they've got the roles, and then making a couple lemonade stands as props for my film as well as speaking with the city's engineer with regard to road closures and special permits.

It should be a gay old time.

Alas, here comes the pre-production. Wave to pre-production.